I lost my cell phone on Friday night; somewhere between a foyer and the streets of Baltimore.
Want to know what’s worse? I wasn’t even DRINKING Friday night.
I searched everything I could think of: purse, trunk, backseat, pockets. I had the foyer’s owner search there, as well. No luck. So, Saturday evening, I visited my friendly local Verizon store, and became the proud new owner of a “rugged” cell phone.
No kidding. Check it out. It’s waterproof, shockproof and dust resistant. Now, if only it came with extra batteries or a battery guarantee. But other than THAT, it looks like the perfect NPR Junky phone. If only it had an AM/FM radio….
As a side note, my previous phone only lasted 7 months and it was on its last legs. It wasn’t ruggedized.
After the whole oven debacle described below transpired, yours truly attempted to go back to sleep. What followed is one of the oddest dreams I’ve had recently:
In this dream, I received a phone call from an ex-flame at 8 am on a Saturday morning asking in SPANISH if I wanted to go have bacon and eggs for breakfast. What was particularly bizzare about this dream; this particular old flame lives in DC and stopped talking to me after he found out I started dating THA. But in the dream, he lived around the corner. Even more strange: I don’t speak Spanish.
You know what’s really annoying? Waking up at 5:30 am due to an insistent beeping. Realizing this beeping is in fact NOT your smoke detector, getting up and going to figure out what it is only to find that it’s your OVEN, flashing the following message at you in the display:
< F 1 >
Then hitting the Stop/Clear button, which stops the insistent beeping at 5:35 am and going back to bed. Only to start AGAIN, five minutes later. So, after locating the owners manual, you are ecstatic to note that there is in fact a troubleshooting section, which notes the following:
EXPLANATION OF FAULT CODES
Your appliance is equipped with an electronic control featuring built-in, self-diagnostic software. This software continuously monitors the control to insure safe and proper operation. If the software should detect a questionable situation, a FAULT CODE (F plus a number) will appear in the display and continuous beeps will sound. A fault code indicates that there may be functional error. as a safety precaution, the control will automatically cancel the program. Follow the procedures described to check the appliance.
And the kicker? There is NO LIST OF FAULT CODES. So there are apparently different codes for different problems, but you’re damned if you can figure out what’s going on. So, per the instruction manual, you turn the goddamned power off to the unit and go back to sleep. Hopefully no one will be too disappointed that Christmas this year will be sans cookies. What fucking timing.
I wonder if this is at all like Track 9 & 3/4 in Harry Potter:
So, apparently the owners of this particular establishment have never heard the words “Don’t drink and drive”. Found in downtown Charlottesville, VA:
Besides myself, this is apparently the only thing Delaware has to offer:
You know things have gone a little too far when this is something displayed on the shelves at Wal-Mart:
Found on the marquee of the Winston-Salem Quality Inn:
