“You can’t kill the Rooster”

For those of you like Book Lust who already have an appriciation of all thing NPR and This American Life in particular, this will not be news to you.

But for those of you who don’t adore NPR and listen to it like it’s an injectible drug, y’all should go out and listen to/borrow from the library/buy Barrell Fever and Other Stories written by David Sedaris as a book on CD.

Holy Cats people! The man is funny! Three hours of hilarity, that you can listen to over and over.

He has also written Naked and Me talk pretty one day which are both hysterically funny.

Oh, I couldn’t make something like this up if I tried…

Last weekend, while having dinner with Erica and Deena, Erica related the following story to me about her father, Mac.

*for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of making Mac’s acquaintance, he’s…shall we say…eccentric*

Mac was sitting at a red light in his big conective truck behind a woman in a Mazda Miata (if memory serves) when the light turned green, and the woman ahead of him was struck by a white Dodge Caravan, which then took off. The woman pulled off to the side, and apparently called the cops, but Mac, in true Mac form went after the minivan, pissed that they pulled a hit and run. Mac ends up getting behind the car at another red light, and pulls his car perpendicular to the road to block them from backing up. He jumps out of his car WITH A PICK AXE and runs up to a guy in a big pickup WITH A PICK AXE telling him that the people in the white minivan were involved in a hit and run and would he help block them in? So the guy says sure, I’ll help, and pulls his big ass truck perpendicular to block them from pulling out from the front. So there’s Mac, with the pickaxe, waiting for the cops. He performed a citizens arrest. So the cops came, guns drawn (Erica related that in many cases of hit and run, the motherfuckers run for a reason, and it’s usually not a good one) and arrest the stupid hit and runners and that’s the end of it.

So that’s my adopted dad. My only real question is, and Erica didn’t have an answer for this one, why did he have a pick axe in the first place, in his truck?

I had no idea….

I found this through Brian’s friend Steen:

Y100 has bit the dust

I just had no idea. I really don’t listen to anything but NPR nowadays, I guess. I suppose those banners I stole a couple years ago will be worth something now

how cute!

Check out this post at Cyn’s blog.

If I had an ipod, it would need a snazzy sweater just like this.

I just don’t know what’s worse

Ok, so what’s worse:

Being stuck in an office listening to the engagement ring girls moan and complain for two hours a day about their goofball boyfriends

OR!

Being stuck on an airplane and a baggage claim terminal with several teenagers having just come back from spring break in Jamaica. As I know from vast personal experience, their sunburns’ were killing them.

And, on an unrelated sidenote, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in the younger generation of late. As Brian can attest, Friday night at this party I begged him to take me to, a couple showed up and they were obviously a couple. Then, later on, the guy from the couple was sitting next to this girl that was all up on him, and THEY looked like they were a couple. I was appropriately disgusted, as all real women would be when seeing two girls competing for one particular man IN THE SAME ROOM. Now, as Jason pointed out, if it were a threesome, and it were consentual, that’d be different. But this wasn’t. Really wasn’t.

Then today, at the airport with the returning spring breakers, the same thing happened with three of the tanned youngins. I saw one couple sitting waiting for bags, then this one chick came up and started holding the hand of the guy.

Does anyone have ANY idea what the hell this is about? And why haven’t I seen it in the reverse? Wait, wait, I know. I hate to say this, but I know why. It’s because guys have better sense. As I well know, guys will compete from a distance. Not up close and personal. No man would subject himself to that degredation.

Come on ladies! You can do better than this! No guy is worth that, really. If you have to compete, it’s not worth the effort.

“I’d still like to wear my uniform…and a cape.”

I am now the proud owner of King of the Hill season 3.

Costco has it on sale for twenty bucks! The nice check out guy let us use his coupon, because we didn’t have one. So I am set for redneck good times. Oh, the hours of viewing enjoyment.

Blue!

I painted my kitchen on Friday, it went from white to BLUE! So far, Brian is the only one who’s seen it up close and personal. I love it. I still have some touch ups to do, but it looks so cool!

I, um, wait. Can you say that again?

Has someone you love ever told you something that kinda shifted your perception of reality?

That happened to me last night. Someone I love very much told me something that kinda warped my view of the world. The kind of thing that makes you want to shake your head around to make sure all the parts are in the right place.

They’re all in the right place. And I know the world is still the same, but man. That was something I was NOT expecting to hear.

Oh, Phil…pure genius!

From Operated Boy:

Second thing, again, several months ago I went on a date with guy from
McHenry. Lesson one about first dates, do not bring your friends along, if the
person you’re meeting likes them more…it is just bad. He was mediocre, mildly
humourous, greatly sheltered, a fratboy in a very not hypermasculine way. I
never called him back. In response to the mutual question of alma mater, his
reply was, “I’m a hawkeye.” I still don’t know where the boy went to
school.

Heeheehee! This is why I love Phil. The man is just funny. This really did make me laugh out loud, because I know guys like that.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The engagement ring girls strike again!

There are a few girls in my office that are OBSESSED with engagement rings (hence the term “engagement ring girls”) It’s not the relationship that’s important, it’s the size of the rock that’s really important to these women.

I’m not kidding.

One day two of them were talking about their boyfriends and they asked me about Jason. I told them he was moving to VA, mostly because of me, and their response was “well, aren’t you going to move down to VA to be with him then?”

And I started laughing. Then I responded “he moved 3300 miles for me, he can move two more hours north.”

They looked at me like I was speaking spanish. Anyway. So a couple of days ago, one of the girls’ boyfriends had a 26 year-old quarter life crisis. So he’s not “sure where I stand, or where we stand” yadda yadda yadda. Everyone knows what that’s like. It sucks. Being in doubt on either end sucks. But come on. The world will keep on turning if you break up. So this girl continued to talk about it FOR TWO HOURS YESTERDAY to one of the other engagement ring girls. Then today, it was two more hours of this bullshit. Come on, people, I’m trying to work. No, I don’t care about what he said, or what she said, or what his mother said or any of it. Can’t y’all talk about it during your lunch break? And what made it worse, was the girl who was offering the advice was telling her things like “Be aloof, and distant, don’t act interested in what he has to say, don’t talk to him about what’s on your mind, don’t return his calls, drop hints that you’re seeing someone else…” Gag me with a spoon. Manipulation really doesn’t help.

And we’re not talking low, murmured whispering. We’re talking normal, everyday outside voices. Yes, outside voices.

AHHHH!!!!!!!! I put on my headphones to listen to NPR, and I can STILL hear them.

But, I have to say, it makes me so grateful that I’m not dating someone likely to have a 29 year old mid life crisis, or someone that will one day wake up and decide to go crazy. We’ve been friends for five years, that day has already come and gone. Jason isn’t perfect, but the ways in which he acts like an asshole I can live with and appriciate.